Getting Well and the Humbling of a Mom

Well, it is 8:30am on Wednesday. I am the only one awake. Including the cats and dog. Is this homeschooling?

Yes. Particularly when mom, the primary guide, is sick. And when the whole family has been ill for the past 3 weeks.

I have set aside any formal lessons for the past 2 and a half weeks. While I realize this is an advantage to homeschooling, it is also making me very antsy. I recall the on-line Heart of the Matter Homeschool Refresher from last week. A wonderful speaker reminded all of us that it is not "us" that homeschool, but rather we are the instruments through which God educates and communicates with our children and our families. She encouraged us all to check in with God and invite him into all aspects of our lives, including our homeschool, and seek His wisdom.

To say I've been stressed out is an understatement. Having a sick child and sick spouse at home during the busiest month of the year for me, and then getting sick myself was trying. Knowing that many people depended on me to perform and produce caused a deep and ongoing anxiety that I'm sure contributed to this latest round of illness for me.

During my time of bible study yesterday, I heard my inner voice, the small voice inside me that I know to be God, say to me, among other things, "Pull back and stay home. You're needed here. You've been in the world and now you're needed home." I prayed for guidance in what I should be putting my energy into right now. I received that it is okay to let go of the lessons, the yoga classes and the community service work for a while and focus on getting everyone back to a baseline of health and our home back in order. But first, I must take the next 2 weeks to fully allow myself the space, time, and internal peace to heal and prepare the way for a very special little girl who will be coming to live with us in just 2 short months.

It is very hard for me to let go of a well laid plan. It is very hard to pull back and let others take over and moreover to let others take care of me. I think many moms can relate. It is a lesson in humility for me, a letting go of my discipline and will, which often serves me well in life. It is also a surrender of pride. I wish a lesson in humility and pride were a one time thing. For me, at least, it seems I keep revisiting it and reviewing it. While God did not cause this series of illnesses to sweep my household, I do believe that He is using this as a lesson in letting go and letting Him work in all our lives.

In You, O Lord, do I put my trust. (Psalm 31:1)