Yesterday my husband and I were playing games with my son. He loves games. We played
Sequence for Kids,
Candyland, and
Land Before Time Matching. D has reached the point where cognitively he can follow the simple rules of these classic games, all involving counting, color or shape recognition, and taking turns.
Let me say that D is very creative. He comes up with long, detailed, elaborate stories with his action figured, legos, and drawings. We encourage this. However, he also brings this creativity with him into the games, which can make for some frustration on everyone's part while playing.
My husband reported that after I left to go back to church last night, while he and D were going through their last game of Sequence before going upstairs for bath time, that D was getting VERY creative with the game. My husband had a little talk with him about rules. That rules for for everyone's benefit. That when we paint or play with blocks, using our imagination is great. But when we play with board games and card games, that we have to follow rules so that we're all playing the same game and that we can all have fun. He also explained that we try to win the game but that even if we don't win, it's still fun to play anyway! Rules are important so that we can have fun with one another and that way we all win.
D was very receptive to that. He tested a few times, but quickly got the rules and they had a good time completing the game.
As my husband was telling me this story after I got home, I reflected that there is such an impulse in all of us to flout the rules in life; to in some way alter them, manipulate them to our favor or liking, or in some way be independent of them. We resist them at every turn, in small seemingly insignificant ways or ways that make the evening news. It stems from that impulse. We are all in such a spirit of rebellion. We even resist creating structures for our daily lives or making commitments that we actually want to make because we believe that we will be limiting our so-called freedom.
However, if we follow rules, there is a freedom within the structure they provide. That is where faith, trust, and true development takes place. I'm not talking about arbitrary or punitive rules. I'm talking about the basic rules of engagement of morals and ethics. Just like the Saints didn't win the Superbowl by playing football by their own rules, we can't win at life constantly making things up as we go. People who are successful understand the groundrules of human interactions and the universal laws at play (think
How to Win Friends and Influence People or
The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People) and work those rules rather than in spite of them.
Isn't that one of the best things we can teach our children? That dispite what the world may throw our way and despite the fact that many people are playing their own game, that the way to win in life is to play within the boundaries of universal laws set down in our hearts by a higher intelligence? We know if we drop something it falls to the ground. It's called gravity and there is no use operating as if it doesn't exist. The laws that govern human relationships and the Spirit are also invisible but should be respected in the same way. What better way to convey this important key to life than by living according to these laws ourselves?
In my life, I found myself trying to make my own rules for many years and couldn't figure out not only why I wasn't winning, but why I wasn't enjoying the game. You simply can't win at life when your moral and ethical compass is driven by what your friends are doing, mixed signals you get from your family, or what you see on television or popular culture. It is my opinion that one must choose a Wisdom path - and there are many (Christian, Judaic, Islamic, Buddhist, Native American, etc..) - and apply it to life as a place on which to stand and from which to practice. As the Dalai Lama encourages, it often makes most sense to choose the path of your own heritage and traditions rather than something entirely new as the seduction can be mainly in the exotic. The fruits will bear out if that is a good and right path.
My testimony of becoming a Unitarian Universalist Christian (a unique breed) is this. In my early 30's once I accepted His way and began to ground myself in His love and follow His rules something amazing happened. I began to enjoy life and began to experience small yet significant personal victories. I have been diligently studying the Word as well as doing my best to develop practices in my life that bring the power of the Word into my life and the lives of those around me; a living practice to honor a Living God.
But one who looks intently at the perfect law, the law of liberty, and abides by it, not having become a forgetful hearer but an effective doer, this man will be blessed in what he does. - James 1:25
The Bible talks a lot about accepting the fullness of the Holy Spirit into your life and then you have the
freedom to follow His Law and "
rejoice and exult in our hope [to cherish a desire with expectation of fulfillment]
of experiencing and enjoying the glory of God." The
freedom. Not following out of obligation or duty or drudgery or fear, which is how we usually following a rule or a law because so many of us have experienced some sort of injustice or tyranny at the hands of authority. God is a loving God. Jesus loved everyone and was here to be a door through which all could choose to enter the glory of God through grace.
My husband set the rules of the game so that he and my son could enjoy one another, enjoy the game; so that they could share their love and joy and both win.
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