No More Questions - In Praise of Respecting My Son's Moments of Awe and Wonder

July 12th

A revelation this week. I resolve to allow Daniel to enjoy each new experience he has without peppering him with questions about it and thus drawing him out of the experience of awe and wonder. Awe and wonder are seed crystals of curiosity and inquiry. Allowing him to have that complete experience will do more for his future learning and understanding than any question I could pose.

I received this insight at the EcoTarium with him on Wednesday. I've noticed that despite his enthusiastic hopping up and down and darting all around that he will usually settle on one or two exhibits to focus on for a relatively long period of time. He thrills in fully investigating the exhibit, pointing out details and nuance that are quite remarkable considering his age. While toddlers may be famous for their short attention spans, he spent almost 20 minutes at the wind exhibit repeating the experiential demonstration many times himself and observing the results of the other kids. He seemed to have endless joy and marveled at the exhibit, exclaiming in full body laughs and sparking eyes his enjoyment of “the game” as he called it. He engaged the interaction of the exhibit fully. At first he was a flurry of touching, manipulating, and all the while chattering. Over time he become more intentional and finally quite refined and subtle in the interplay. His interpretation was unique. He refered to this activity as “making eggs.” I have no idea how he arrived at that considering the exhibit had nothing to do with a farm or farm animals. He was insistent, however. He was making eggs.

In contract, many children passed through the exhibit and only repeated the experiment once or twice. Time and time again the well meaning parents would ask the child questions or begin to explain the principles of the demonstration. The child's eyes would dim or roll with perhaps a touch of exasperation and the child would move on to something else. You could see that is was well intentioned on the parents part. They were doing what good engaged parents are taught to do. I myself have done that many times. However as I stood back and observed, it seemed quite artificial, not authentic dialog and the kids knew it. All the while, Daniel stayed, repeating it demo over and over, laughing and having a great time. I simply stood back and observed, responding to him with encouragement and validation. Eventually he moved on to the next exhibit and with just as much enthusiasm and confidence set about absorbing the pendulum exhibit completely.

Before you can wonder why something happens or why something is the way it is, you must first observe it and process your experience. Sometimes this happens in an instant. Other times it can take a while. Daniel was in observation mode in his exploration of the exhibits. He was awe filled and delighting in wonder. He was completely absorbed in the experience and newness of the exhibits.

I have never visited the Grand Canyon. A friend of mine related to me that upon finally arriving there, as she and her five kids filed out of the RV after a 2 hour drive through barren landscape, they all fell silent and their jaws dropped as they gazed out upon the vast scar in the earth. She said despite the large number of people on the rim, it was silent. Everyone was completely absorbed in awe and wonder, absorbed in the experience of the Canyon. I imagine they were not thinking about it, evaluating it, questioning it. That would only come later. I would imagine that curiosity would at some point be sparked and the mind would chime in with theories and reasonings. When that happened, it would take them out of the experience of the Canyon, out of the merging, out of the present, and into the mind, into their concept of the Canyon, and into the past thought forms. Maybe those that could reasonably link the three dimensional magnificence before them to one dimensional theories of to plate tectonics, geology, and theology. To think about something is not the same as its experiencing. When questions are introduced too early in the merging experience it most surely aborts the formation of the seed crystals of awe and wonder that drive the precipitation of logical, compelling, and personally meaningful questions, the source of self directed inquiry.

To put it another way, imagine finally getting to see your favorite musician in concert. For me this would be like seeing the late great Miles Davis perform “Kind of Blue” or “Sketches of Spain” live in an intimate and smoky jazz club or the original Allman Brothers Band line up perform my favorite song of all time, “Blue Sky,” at a sold-out stadium show in the summertime. You would be completely entranced, hanging on every note, every well-timed phrase. You would be in some sort or rapture. The world around you would stop and your friends around you would vanish from your immediate awareness. You would merge with the performance. All thoughts would leave your mind and you would be completely as one with the performance. You would find you couldn't stop smiling and tears would fill your eyes. Now image someone standing next to you asking a bunch of questions to which they already had the answers. How are you were enjoying the concert? What you were finding most interesting? How you think they assembled the stage? Where was the last concert? Did you remember hearing the song on the car the day before? All questions would be irrelevant to the actual experience of the concert. They wold take you out of your experience of awe and wonder and force you into your mind. Enough! If you hadn't given up trying to enjoy the concert you surely would have told this person to kindly shut up.

All it takes for Daniel to experience bliss is to play with an exhibit on the wind at the EcoTarium. When I pose questions to Daniel prematurely, that is to say when he is still in the fascination mode, it robs him of that precious experience. There will be plenty of time to reflect on the experience later.