Too Deep - Working with Fear

Daniel has made significant progress in swim class. When we started the class 4 weeks ago, he didn't want to go in the water. He sat on the pool deck with me for most of the class and refused to put his face in the water at all. He didn't seem afraid. He just didn't seem to buy into the idea that this was a fun thing to do. Yesterday he slid himself into the pool on his belly on his own. He also delighted in blowing bubbles into the water without any encouragement. He was adamant, however, that he did not want to go underwater because the water was “too deep.”

At the end of class when it was time to do the safety jump, he froze. I had never seen this before. My son seems fearless in all he does with no idea that he could be hurt. I saw for the first time an outward consideration on his part for his own physical well being. He backed away from the pool and tried to hide behind me, his eyes wide as saucers and fixated on the pool. The teacher urged him to jump, as well as some of the other kids who jumped in to show him it was okay and them waved at him to invite him into the pool. He stood his ground. He was not going to jump. “Too deep, too deep!” he would say very quietly. I asked him if he was scared. He nodded yes, not taking his eyes off the pool. The teacher and I worked with him and found a compromise that worked for him. He sat on the edge of the pool and held the teacher's hands and scooted into the water being careful to keep his head above the water's surface. As she returned him to pool wall and he reached for it, he had a huge grin on his face and I clapped with all my heart. “I did it mom!” he yelled.

This was his first time working with the experience of fear. I want him to trust that instinct. Yes, the water is deep. Yes, it could be a dangerous situation. However, there is a way to work with that fear and create a situation where you can reduce the risk and have fun. That is what we helped Daniel to experience yesterday. I was very proud and touched that he trusted his instinct and that he trusted his swim teacher and me to lead him through that.